WARNING:
This song will make decent folks cringe, grind their teeth and clench their fists.

Okay... it's pretty bad.

But it tickles me. I can't help it.

Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore
© John Prine

While digesting Reader's Digest
In the back of a dirty book store,
A plastic flag, with gum on the back,
Fell out on the floor.
Well, I picked it up and I ran outside
Slapped it on my window shield,
And if I could see old Betsy Ross
I'd tell her how good I feel.

Chorus:
But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
They're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.
Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.

Well, I went to the bank this morning
And the cashier he said to me,
"If you join the Christmas club
We'll give you ten of them flags for free."
Well, I didn't mess around a bit
I took him up on what he said.
And I stuck them stickers all over my car
And one on my wife's forehead.

Repeat Chorus:

Well, I got my window shield so filled
With flags I couldn't see.
So, I ran the car upside a curb
And right into a tree.
By the time they got a doctor down
I was already dead.
And I'll never understand why the man
Standing in the Pearly Gates said...

"But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
We're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.
Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more."

Fuzzy drove all the way from Ohio to visit last weekend, and it was SO nice to see him!

I gave him the grand tour of Loves Park, Illinois, which pretty much consists of a post office, an almost empty mall, and duck-crossing signs, we got to watch 24 together (Yay!) ...what the heck happened to Jack's dad anyway?..., and Sunday he said the nicest thing to me....

We were sitting alone in the room, talking, and he smiled at me and said, "Wow! I'm not the weirdest person here!"


(It took him less than 24 hours to realize!)

Oh… on the tour I did take him by my tanning place, and he wasn't kidding. The man cannot tan!
Look…



I learned a few other interesting things about Fuzzy while he was here.

He can peel an orange in less than a minute.

He always leaves a tip… even for the car wash guys who didn't clean
the bird poop off his car.

He only likes crispy bacon.

He really IS the father of Anna Nichole's baby.

He doesn't mind when I play with his buttons. Um… on his car,
that is.


Until he met my kids, he didn't know what "slug bug" means.

He has strong and unconventional coffee convictions.


I had so much fun. Thank you for everything, Fuzzy!

(I can't believe how fast she's growing!)

Baby
George Macdonald (1824–1905)


WHERE did you come from, baby dear?
Out of the everywhere into the here.

Where did you get those eyes so blue?
Out of the sky as I came through.

What makes the light in them sparkle and spin?
Some of the starry spikes left in.

Where did you get that little tear?
I found it waiting when I got here.

What makes your forehead so smooth and high?
A soft hand strok’d it as I went by.

What makes your cheek like a warm white rose?
I saw something better than any one knows.

Whence that three-corner’d smile of bliss?
Three angels gave me at once a kiss.

Where did you get this pearly ear?
God spoke, and it came out to hear.

Where did you get those arms and hands?
Love made itself into bonds and bands.

Feet, whence did you come, you darling things?
From the same box as the cherubs’ wings.

How did they all just come to be you?
God thought about me, and so I grew.

But how did you come to us, you dear?
God thought about you, and so I am here.