This Just In….
Licking a frog can cure depression… but the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again.



For Fun...










And For Cuteness...





And just one other thing...

"I have no respect for gangs today. None. They just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other first." -- Robert G. Lee

Hi, Everyone. It's been a nice, nice summer so far. Sorry that I haven't been around much... but I've been peeking in on your blogs every chance I get.

First... on a serious and happy note: If God seems far away from you right now... either because you're in a painful place or because you're too busy... or just because... He didn't move. You did. Break into the nearest Holiday Inn.. there's a map home in the nightstand drawer.. I guarantee it.

Second... on a grandma note:

Isn't she getting cuter by the day?!?







In Loving and Side-Splitting Memory of George Carlin:

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

“George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.”

“So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.”



SIGNS YOU'RE FROM THE MIDWEST:
A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

You have used the phrase "fixin' to" during the last 12 months.

Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

You can recall hot summers or terrible winters by the year they happened easier than you can remember your mother's birthday.

You think that people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.

A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

You've ever been excused from school because "the cows got out."



THIS JUST IN:

A San Francisco-based group wants to rename a sewage treatment plant after President Bush. Upset at the “mess” the outgoing President would be leaving behind, they want to rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant the George W. Bush Sewage Plant. Of course, the city’s Republican Party is not too happy about the proposal. The supporters hope to have the idea on San Francisco’s November ballot. *** Also in the works, the renaming of a tanning salon for Al Gore.



Please Take a Look at This...





It's important to remember your brain works slower in hot weather -- response times are slower -- your whatchamacallit can get all, you know. So don't try to do too much with your thingie, because it's too hot to, you know, actually, kind of, think.



A giant lobster has been saved from a boiling pot of water and will live out its life at a New Brunswick aquarium. Dee-Dee, a 100-year-old, 22-pound lobster, spent a week at a Shediac, New Brunswick, fish shop while at the center of a cross-country bidding war between those who wanted to eat him and those who wanted to set him free. The store's owner, Denis Breau, said he accepted a $1,000 bid from Vancouver resident Laura-Leah Shaw to save the lobster, despite receiving a $5,000 bid from an Ontario group that wanted Dee-Dee for a banquet. Dee-Dee will go to a conservation group's aquarium, because releasing him back into the sea would probably be fatal. Shaw said she's disappointed that Dee-Dee might not return to his natural habitat, but is hoping the push to set the lobster free will prevent fishermen from seeking older, bigger lobsters.

*** This lobster has been alive since the Cubs last won the World Series! How depressing is that?

We didn't get hit like Wisconsin or Iowa, but we've had some flooding here. The first storm blew up my mother board, so I had to buy another new computer, but it's nice -- I like it.





I was reading today that a 16th-century, first edition of, “Heavenly Spheres,” the book in which Nicolaus Copernicus puts forth his theory that the sun – not the earth -- is at the center of the universe has fetched more than 2 million dollars at a Christie’s auction. *** The SUN?!?! Brad and Angelina are gonna be SO pissed!

Speaking of such nincompoopery, I’ve been doing some research. It seems that the men that I’ve been dating are not only astrological mis-matches, but star sign disasters for me.

As an Aquarius, I’m not compatible with the Capricorn because
"Career-oriented Capricorn will sacrifice anything to scale the peaks. Imaginative Aquarius thinks only of improving the future of the world and humanity. The former is pragmatic and conservative, whereas the latter is idealistic and rebellious. Capricorn needs a tender, devoted helpmate, and an Aquarian is never home, preferring discussions with buddies to domestic bliss.”

The Taurus won’t work either because “Aquarius has an appetite for freedom and a gaze firmly turned toward the future. The possessive Taurean derives his or her pleasures from immutable values like the land, the family, and the past. If the present brings them together, they rarely evolve in the same direction together, and each will tend to stick to his own character. Soon the Bull feels misunderstood, while the Aquarian dreams of new horizons.”

In fact, the only two signs that I'm really compatible with are a Gemini or another Aquarius. I don't think that I've ever dated a water bearer (hard to catch), and the last person who I let myself fall head over heels for is a Gemini (hard to keep). I value my freedom an awful lot, but still... it would be nice to have the option -- you know?

Anyway...

Everything is fine here. The girls are out of school for the summer, Alayna is getting so big and so smart, and work is still a lot of fun. I realized a couple of weeks ago that I never have any time alone, so I made reservations to stay in a hotel room with a jacuzzi for a night. I'm going to light candles, sit in hot water, read books, and enjoy the quite all night. (Yay!)

They were telling me at work about a New England law firm that hands out attorney trading cards. Each lawyer's stats are on the back-- showing how many clients he's handled, how many cases he's won, etc. Here at work we’re debating doing the same thing with supervisor trading cards, with each one’s stats on the back. I have my personal stats right here.
Number of days: 2080
Number of days without insulting the boss: 2056
Number of days I’ve spilled coffee into office equipment: 6
Number of times not in the office when clients called for me: 8
Number of times burped during a staff meeting: 19
Number of times fell asleep during quality feedback sessions: 3
Number of times accidentally locked in men's room: 1 – but that wasn’t my fault
Number of times finger stuck in vending machine: 3
Number of times stapled finger and drew blood: 4 (Three were my own)

Just one other thing before I let you go...
I've been researching vacation destinations, and I have a short list for anyone who has not yet decided where to take the family this summer...

THE ATOMIC BOMB CRATER (Mars Bluff, South Carolina) -This one serves as a metaphor for all that is wonderful about tourist sites. In 1958, a B-47 pilot accidentally dropped a bomb on a guy's farm. It exploded, and the result was a huge hole that is now a tourist attraction.

THE 5-STORY-TALL CHICKEN (Marietta, Georgia) it's made of sheet metal and is 55 feet tall. Not much else to say, is there?

FLINTSTONE BEDROCK CITY (Vail, Arizona) Visit a replica of the town the modern stone age family calls home! 520-635-2600

THE HALL OF MOSSES (Port Angeles, Washington) Admit it, you've always dreamed that one day all the myriad forms of Mosses would be gathered in one place. Well dream no more. Ho Rainforest State Park: 360-452-0330

Hope you're all having a beautiful weekend! Take care.. be happy.

Welcome to Strange Phrase Indeed. Contents Under Pressure: Do Not Shake

Only 196 Shopping Days Until Christmas

Today is National Hug Day. Some call it Hug Holiday, a day to give hugs to those who need them. Some celebrate it June 29th, other celebrate it today. Still others celebrate it on both June 11th and the 29th, because they're really clingy.

Today is also International Town Criers Day.

Some things you do NOT want to hear from your town crier...

"The Scientologists are coming! The Scientologists are coming!"

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter the bathroom at the State Street Road Ranger!"

"Halt! Do not proceed in your ill-fitting spandex!"

Living magazine reports that 75% of American's plan to throw at least one barbecue a year. (And I'd very much like to be invited.)

 

Just enter your  zip code in the site below, and it tells you which gas stations have the cheapest prices (and the highest) on gas   in your zip code   area. !  It's updated every evening.  Just  click on the link.  You will see a map of your area and then scroll down and you will get a listing of gas prices in your area with addresses and brands starting with the cheapest and going up.

http://autos.msn.com/everyday/gasstations.aspx?zip=&src=Netx