Strange Phrase Indeed by Kristin

I didn't hate it. I didn't love it. I've never missed it, and I'd never go back. Most of it escapes me now. I remember some of my more stupid high school and junior high feats, but a lot of it's a blur. I remember pretending to fall asleep first at a slumber party to see if my friends could be trusted to not talk about me behind my back. I remember getting drunk at a house party and climbing up onto a roof in the rain to hide from the police. I remember bonfires and ski trips with my friends, but not in great detail, save the boy in the group who I had a crush on that week. I remember the haunted house/happy family that I came home to every day, and I remember my best friend's house too... haunted in a different way and never very happy.

When I was young, I was painfully shy. People thought that I was a snob, but I really wasn't; I just didn't know how to fit in. I was never good at conforming, but I hated feeling different, so I just kept my mouth shut a lot. Eventually, I learned that I could be myself and there would always be a group of people (warped though they may be) who would appreciate and/or put up with me... so I ran with that and have been very happy ever since. That came much later, though.

I read, I wrote, I memorized poetry and Shakespeare, I prayed a lot. I sang to squirrels in a cornbin behind the farm buildings, and I worked very hard at being a part of the circle of people I called friends back then. While I was fighting with time, though, and trying to understand quantum physics before I knew that it had a name (please don't be impressed, I still don't get it), they were fighting with their parents and trying to convince the lady at the liquor store that they were 18. I guess I have as many good and as many bad high school memories as the next guy. What sticks out, though, is that for a long time, even with friends around me, I didn't feel like a part of what was going on.

Until....

I found the silly putty that picks up everyone's funny papers mug shot... no matter what turns them on. I don't remember when or how I realized that people bond to music, but it's true. Once you've got a song in your heart, and you're sitting with someone else who's got the same song in her heart... until the music stops, there's only one of you. I wasn't who I am then, but I was who I was... and that knowledge helped me in making the very first steps to pull other people into my world... and it gave me a doorway into theirs. Still does.