UNSOLICITED INFORMATION:

I have five black shoes on the floor in the front seat of my car, but I don’t remember why I put them there.

I don’t like the smell of school busses, but I love the smell of camp fires.

I like to sing “I Don’t Want to Have to Marry You” when I sweep the floor.

I AM OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE ABOUT:

Alarm clocks

Matching bras and panties

Poking down the “diet” and “other” buttons on fast food cups

Balancing my checkbook

THINGS THAT FEEL REALLY GOOD:

Driving barefoot, and with the windows down

Eating lobster

Finishing a great book and then finding out that there’s a sequel

Holding sleeping babies

THINGS THAT WERE SAID TO ME LAST WEEK:

“Most people’s moms don’t ask them to make prank phone calls.”

“If you can’t believe the ghost of your mother-in-law’s half-brother, who can you believe?”

“You know that guy in every staff meeting who rambles on and on to make a point and wants to argue with what everybody says, but never steals shoes under the conference table? We’ve made arrangements for next week’s meeting to trade you in for that guy.”

“I couldn’t get the box open. It was like wrestling with an alligator, only one with human-sized arms, not those little footy arms. Oh, and no claws.”

“In China, they give babies rice cereal from the time that they’re born. Of course… they’re Communists.”