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Strange Phrase Indeed


 Skin From a Snake, Blood From a Stone
 

I've had this dream every two or three months for at least five years. At times I've thought that I knew what parts of it might have meant, but then I go back later and it stumps me again.

It starts out in Grandma J's house, up on the cranberry marshes. She was already gone when the dreams started, and it always amazes me when I wake up how much more vividly I remember her features and mannerisms in the dream than I'm able to remember awake. Anyway... we're playing cards. Gin. Grandma cheated, but we always played anyway when she was alive, because she was great company and always made me laugh. It seems like we'd been playing for hours, uninterrupted, except for bone monsters that kept trying to sneak out of the portable wardrobe that was in the dining room for some reason. As far as I know, Grandma never had a portable wardrobe OR bone monsters. I had to take the broom and knock them back in from time to time, but it didn't seem strange to me.

There was somebody at the door. A man came in, and he was obviously upset. He said that we were engaged and I was suppose to marry him three days earlier but stood him up. I couldn't remember him at all. This is where Grandma grew deer horns. I didn't actually see them grow... I just looked up and there they were on her head. She made an angry noise and ran the poor guy right through with them and killed him. I fainted inside my dream.


When I woke up, I didn't see Grandma or her victim, so I went into the parlor. I hadn't noticed it before, but there were mounted heads hanging on all four walls of the room.. dozens of them. I looked closer and saw that they were the heads of every man that I'd ever dated. I screamed, ran into the kitchen, hid under the bar/counter and cried.


After a little bit, Grandma came back into the kitchen and offered me a cow pie. She used to make giant molasses cookies... we called them cow pies. I kept crying, which is odd, because I'm not a crier at all, unless I'm laugh-crying.

Next... the house caught on fire, and we were carrying boxes and things out to the front lawn, trying to save what we could. As I walked by the old water pump in the yard...

... I noticed a big black snake curled around it. There were always snakes in the woodshed up there, and in the warehouses, but this one was bigger and darker.
It looked up at me and said, "You know, Kristin, souls are better trophies than heads, but you are not charming enough to get one."


That's it. That's when I always wake up. Strange, yes?

Posted by Kristin at 9:28 PM - 19 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Exorcising Time
 



This is the precious moment, but strangely, few people know it.

(Papier Colle' by Sandy Frazier, The Mystic Artist)
Posted by Kristin at 10:09 AM - 10 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Don't Let It Fall On Me
 

Five Things...

1. My grandma Jorgensen used to say, "When you're old and think you're sweet, Take off your shoes and smell your feet".

2. I am at work right now, but I'd REALLY rather be making a sand castle. I used to have a sandbox here, but somebody ran off with it.

3. I can't lie to someone and get away with it because I always end up laughing at myself.

4. They announced a boil order for the town right after I got my first cup of coffee here this morning. I'm drinking it anyway, even though the water in the coffee machine wasn't hot enough to have been boiled. Cryptosporidium be damned!

5. I am an aquarius and I act like one.
Posted by Kristin at 10:54 AM - 9 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Meet Moo
 

It is so much harder than you would think to get a baby mouse to sit still and have his picture taken!



This is Moo... the new face around the zoo. (Before you say anything, Biggie... I had nothing at all to do with this one!) My daughter Jen brought him home last night. I'm not sure that Hobbes won't try to eat his head off, but so far so good. He really is a cute little guy, and I accidentally bonded with him this morning, so I had to go to the pet store today because he needed... mouse stuff. I love it there. There's a big red bird that laughs every time he sees me, and a little green and yellow one who blows kisses. Anyway... I think that all we need is a giant reptile, a spider, and a camel and we'll be all set here.
Posted by Kristin at 11:39 PM - 14 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 The Easter Ham
 



This is Liberty; she lives with my sister Karee. Libby is well aware that she is one of the most beautiful creatures on the planet. Normally she will greet you with a big cheesy smile, but when I got there today we had some thunderstorms and she was nervous, so she planted herself on my lap. I don't know if all American Bulldogs are this charming and cuddly, but I hope so. She's a great kid.



After I got to Karee's house my little sister came in. She ran over to me and said, "Krissy, Krissy, Krissy, this is SO cool!" (Most of my family calls me KrisAnn, but she never has.) Seems she got a wild hair up her ass last night. She picked her mother-in-law up at around midnight, put powder (foot powder!) on her van, and set off to drive through a cemetery that she read about in "Wisconsin's Most Haunted Places". She got back into the cemetery a little bit and jumped out to look at the van. She saw hand prints, so she got back in and told her passenger to buckle up because they were getting the hell out of there and she didn't want to get pulled over (seat belt laws are big here) in a frantic state with white stuff on the car and her clothes. The story went on from there and even with the rain today, the hand prints are still on the van. She was so excited -- I didn't have the heart to theorize out loud that maybe one of her kids touched the hood with dirty hands before she powdered it and set off for her adventure. (Five of us, all together, and I'm the only blonde...go figure.) Maybe next time I'll go with her.

Today's Low Point:
My brand new ten-hour lipstick only lasted three hours.



High Point of the Day:
I learned how to use my new camera phone and took pictures of myself driving to Wisconsin. (My focus is not off... that's just my face, dammmit.)


Posted by Kristin at 1:28 AM - 16 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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Author: Kristin
From Illinois, USA
Age: 39
 
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