Sometimes life gets interesting. Blind-sides you, even, on occasion. The last couple months have been interesting... and that's all that I want to say about that.
That said, please read the following disclosure and sign the bottom of your monitor before you continue reading:
Today's blog contains no chemical additives, although it does contain a certain amount of artificial flavor.
This tickled me:
Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University .
It seems that during an examination a few years ago, a bright young student popped up and asked the university’s professor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued:
“I beg your pardon,” the professor asked.
The student responded by saying, “Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.”
The professor told him, “no.”
The student pushed forward, “Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.” At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale."
Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.
Three weeks later, that same student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.
And no news... well, it takes up less space than some news, but I paid my $9.99, so here's the news, dangit!
Hardee's introduced a 920-calorie breakfast burrito stuffed with two omelets, hash browns and gravy that they say is "designed to fill you up." The new “Country Breakfast Burrito” contains 60 grams of fat. *** It's part of a combo meal. You also get orange juice, hash browns, and a defibrillator
Rumors are circulating that Prince William and Kate Middleton will soon announce their engagement. No special dates have to be arranged. *** It's not like anyone in the family will have to take off work.
Europe's first detox clinic for video game addicts has opened in Amsterdam . It's not surprising that video games can be as addictive as gambling or drugs and they're just as hard to kick. Some recovering gamers show withdrawal symptoms, such as shaking and sweating, when they look at a computer. ***So they have a Donkey Kong on their backs?
A postal worker in Joliet, Illinois, was unable to deliver a postcard after discovering the address no longer existed. It might have something to do with the fact that it was originally sent over 100-years ago! The card, which only had the word "Hello" written on it, had been found in a bundle of old papers back of the post office, dropped into a collection point and processed without anyone noticing its age. A postman who was doing his rounds then noticed it had an old-style one cent stamp and an address that did not exist so he took it back to work. A few phone calls and days later the postcard finally made it to Bob Oestrich and his sister Patricia Oestrich Petersen. It had been sent from Chicago in 1907 by their grandmother to her brother. ***The Illinois Post Office - when it absolutely, positively needs to be there eventually.
You know that feeling of excitement you get when you see an attractive person across a crowded room, and they look right back at you? Scientists decided to do a little research on that feeling.
"Their eyes met across the crowded room." Lines like that are more than just a staple of romance novels along with swoons and handsome heroes. Scientists at University College London say those furtive glances stimulate activity in a part of the brain linked to rewards. A neurologist said, "What we've shown is that when we make eye contact with an attractive person, the brain area that predicts rewards starts firing." ***This also explains why I see so many people crying around me. Same part of the brain.
Recently Al Gore was given a Nobel Peace Prize for making his movie about global warming. Now top hurricane expert Dr. William Gray said giving the prize to Gore is ridiculous, and in 15 years, we'll look back on it and think ourselves fools. ***Meanwhile, retail sales were up in September. As a result, Al Gore won another Nobel Peace Prize.
A restaurant opened in China for people nostalgic for the Maoist era of communism, complete with waitresses in green coveralls and Marxist propaganda posters. *** And to make it even more authentic they have no food.
In New Hampshire , Rudy Giuliani suggested that blind people should be able to carry guns. ***The problem would be getting past stadium security before they umpire the games.
An Australian performance artist had an ear grown in the lab and implanted onto his left arm. ***Maybe he could try growing a brain in the lab and have it implanted in his head.
A Texas billionaire named Richard Hart Graives says he’s setting out to build a new version of the Titanic. The main difference? The Titanic II will be a space ship. Graives claims his supership will be launched in the year 2012 on the 100th anniversary of the Titanic’s maiden voyage. He says the ship will transport 25-hundred passengers to Mars. A first class cabin will cost a whopping 500-thousand dollars... and believe it or not, the first voyage is already almost sold out. *** This sounds like a bad idea all the way around. He’s naming the ship TITANIC – and he’s taking it into space where giant frozen glaciers are floating around EVERYWHERE!
New parents who don't have enough to obsess over can now give an I.Q. test to babies as young as six months. Fisher-Price paid child expert Dr. Dorothy Einon to create the 10-question test. It determines a baby's intellectual development by its reactions to such things as being fed, dropping a teddy bear, playing "This Little Piggy," enjoying nursery rhymes, playing with toy phones, performing "pat-a-cake," hearing its name and waving goodbye. *** They should give this test to people in Florida before they let them vote.
Scientists at Dalhousie University in Nova Scotia have cloned fruit flies, in the first successful cloning of insects. *** Thank goodness! What the world truly needs is more fruit flies.
Got milk? It turns out that vitamin D may act as pheromones to attract the opposite sex. It works in Iberian rock lizards at least. *** Perfect for anyone wanting to ask an Iberian rock lizard to the prom.
A Rockdale, Georgia, man was charged with selling LSD and magic mushrooms hidden inside chocolate bunnies. ***Dang. Aren’t chocolate bunnies addictive enough already?
A British woman who suffered muscle spasms in her vocal chords was able to speak again for the first time in 14 years after getting Botox injected around her voice box. ***Her husband is suing the doctor
I don't have any more news... but I do have this...
Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a high-tech company. During the welcoming ceremony, the boss says, "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So don't trouble any of the other employees." The cannibals promised not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later, the boss returns and says, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you; however, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing janitor.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, "Which of you idiots ate the janitor?" A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders and Project Managers so no one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor!"
Oh... and this...
"When my grandparents arrived in this country from Germany, they were dirty, frightened, and penniless. I swear, that's the last time we let them vacation by themselves." -- Dave George
And...
one
other thing...
There. I think that's it.
